And here we go again
I thought it was just around the corner, waiting
I can’t keep doing this
I can’t stop my mind
I can’t do this
Have I not been trying?
I can’t be with myself
I feel like I am being deceitful, even though that is not my intention
I do feel and question what was wrong with me that my mother could disregard or dismiss me
Why am I stuck on that still
I’m sorry for being like this
I’m sorry for being depressed
Sorry for what I might do and the impact that has on you
Sorry for not getting better
Sorry for not being able to trust you, believe you, for being too broken
Sorry for not being able to tell you everything, it’s not because I don’t want to
Sorry for things not working out
Every day there is something in the media, it makes me feel more isolated and broken that those stories are out and I’m a secret that can’t talk, that I am so trapped in it
Why can’t I change
I’m staring into hopelessness. why keep going?
Pretty sure I wont make it through uni. Feel inadequate at work, am an absent friend, cant leave the memory and related anxiety, am not of value to people, I am back in a compulsive cycle of self harm and hate. I feel this is my future.
I cant keep doing this week after week. I have no others answers anymore.
I can’t shake the feeling of futility and hopelessness. I feel so useless, I don’t fit.
I don’t want to be here, I don’t want to be this person.
It seems like I have exhausted my focus and will to change, feeling that I cant. I really don’t want this. I would hope to sort things out soon, I know I should wait until they are done.
What a fuck up. What a waste of time.
On the eve of a 3 day uni intensive and I have a migraine
Spoke with a lawyer today about my will which opened up conversations about family and contact and the right to challenge for my estate….. difficult.
Self harmed pretty bad.
The kids have done exactly what I did to my parents. Completely cut me out, ignore me, dismiss me. I am of no value to them. Wow. That hurts.
If I Talk 